One of the more disturbing trends in tech is the fact that there’s an entire market dedicated to making digital scolds. Whether it’s the Wii Fit’s legendarily blunt way of informing you about your weight or devices designed to make mooing noises whenever you open the fridge, we spend far too much money on things designed to make us feel bad. And now people are starting to expect us to install them in our bodies, no less. Meet the smart tooth.
Essentially, the smart tooth is a sensor glued to the inside of your mouth that detects the motion of your jaw. In its own way it’s actually fairly impressive; the sensor is able to differentiate jaw movement when you’re speaking, chewing, breathing, drinking, smoking, and coughing. In other words, basically once you glue this thing in your mouth, everything you do with it will be very, very easy to figure out. On the other hand, we’re also wondering what, precisely, they’re going to do with the data from that third date their test subjects have coming up.
Joking aside, the sensor provides data to your doctor, or yourself, and is able to inform your health team of you taking up, or putting down, any bad habits. They’re also looking to add Bluetooth, so you can get a snarky text message every time you light up a cigarette. “Oh, a cigarette. How edgy. I’m going to text your photos of diseased organs now.”
This will certainly be of use as a medical device, of course, but we have to question the premise of gluing a circuit board into your mouth in order to monitor your health. Really, if it’s gotten to the point that you’re considering becoming a cyborg, maybe you need to go to a therapist instead.